⚠ SHRINE EXPANSION WING OPENING 2001 ⚠
⛪ THE HOLY RELICS (ALL ARTWORK DRAWN BY HAND, DO NOT STEAL)
The device. The legend. Presses down, plays it back, makes one man sound like six. No further questions.
It is smaller than you expect. This is on purpose. Nobody knows what the purpose is.
Strong. Two sugars. Present at every listening session since 2011. A silent witness.
Boiled roughly 9,000 times in service of this fandom. Limescale is a form of devotion.
An album named after an operator. Bold. Confusing for record shop staff. Iconic regardless.
Where it started. Simple. Additive. A man and a guitar and a plan that turned out to be correct.
70,000 people. One bloke. A pedal. The maths on that should not work and yet.
A worldwide network. No membership fee. You simply are one, or you are an ally.
Permanently tattooed on a human arm. A commitment most of us could not make to anything.
A grown man's enormous Lego collection. Genuinely the most relatable fact available.
Arrives every December. Says the same thing every December. Screenshotted every December.
Not related to Ed in any way. He is simply everybody's first friend and he is in the shrine on principle.
💿 THE COMPLETE DISCOGRAPHY (some of these are real)
- + — the one where he adds things
- × — the one where he multiplies things
- ÷ — the one where he divides things, and the nation
- No.6 — the one with absolutely everybody on it
- = — the one where the maths finally resolves
- − — the one where he takes it all away again
- √ — not real yet. give it time.
- % — also not real. but you believed it for a second.
- ( — unclosed. deliberately. devastating.
- ÷×+=− — the box set, sold in a wheelbarrow
⚠ the last four are jokes. the first six are, alarmingly, the actual naming scheme.
☕ THE TEA WING
☕
TEA CONSUMED WHILE LISTENING
cups, approximately, since 2011, at a rate of roughly 2.1 per album play
The shrine accepts donations in the form of a decent brew. Strong. Two sugars. Do not put it in a mug with a slogan on it, she will notice.
🎖 SHRINE CERTIFICATIONS
📜 A COMPLETE HISTORY OF ADA'S DEVOTION
- 2011 — First contact. A song plays somewhere. Something happens in the brain. Nothing is the same afterwards.
- Shortly after — Announces it to the family. The family says "the ginger one?" She says yes. Firmly.
- The middle years — Absorbs mockery from siblings, friends, strangers, and at least one teacher. Does not budge a single inch.
- A Tuesday, 9am — The ticket operation. Multiple devices. Annual leave. Success. Screaming.
- Every December since — The listening stats arrive. Number one. Again. Screenshots it. Again. We all get sent it. Again.
- Present day — Still at it. Zero embarrassment. A genuinely impressive display of knowing what you like.
- Today — Receives an extremely ugly website from a sibling who could have just sent a text.
💬 THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID TO HER (a wall of shame)
"isn't he a bit boring though"
— every single person, once, and only once
"it's just four chords"
— someone who has never written a song in their life
"you're still into him?"
— yes. that is the entire point. that is what being into something means.
"put something else on"
— denied. it is her car. her rules. her ginger man.
★ she was right every time ★
🔮 CONSULT THE SHRINE ORACLE
The Oracle knows your future. The Oracle is a random number and some jokes.
↑ the shrine awaits ↑